Yes, He’s Hot

There are many reasons for women to watch James Bond movies. The pleasure of seeing things blow up. Car chases. Guns. Gorgeous scenery. But the best reason has always been James Bond. A girl has to have someone to dream about, and it has been a long time since real princes have conjured up the amount of glamor that a movie star does. The exception would be the current young heartthrob in England, Prince William. Modern European princes are mostly descendants of Queen Victoria and various German princelings, and most have undistinguished looks. But Princess Diana brought striking height and handsomeness to the Windsor line. A few Continental princes are shaping up as handsomely as Prince William, but they don’t get much exposure in America. According to VIP Gossip, Prince William tops the list of world’s hottest royals. He has youth and health, imposing height, regular features, and blond hair all going for him. Not to mention the inheritance of the glamor crown of Europe. Why shouldn’t he be deemed the hottest royal in the world? But my favorite on the list is Andrea Casiraghi, a son of Princess Caroline of Monaco, and thus a grandson of another supremely beautiful woman, Princess Grace. Who was a movie star. Maybe it’s just the hair and the air of youth. Health and happiness also play a part in how appealing a person is. Modern princes don’t have a tremendous physical advantage over the rest of us. These days, they don’t get to dress in gold and furs and jewels all the time to impress. About the most they’re allowed are some snazzy Victorian-era military uniforms, or maybe a few orders and medals. Thus today the visual difference between a king and some ordinary joe isn’t very much, at least, not in a country where many people enjoy good health, good dentistry, and good hygiene. There are lots of surfer dudes in California and Australia who are on a par of handsomeness with any royal. And with any movie star. Princes no longer impress crowds by being the tallest, the healthiest, or the cleanest person these pathetic peasants have ever seen. (Nor is everyone else covered in s**t, as the Monty Python movie joke goes.) So, yes, if you want to dream about a prince, it’s still possible. But we get more exposure to and exposure from movie stars. Movie stars don’t get to be stars unless they have photographic charisma, a kind of chemistry with the camera that makes photos of them stunning regardless of how ordinary they may look in real life. They also often take off their clothes in the course of a role, and let’s be honest, sex appeal is lodged in the body. If we get to see the body, we are more likely to be attracted than if we see the person clothed. And movie stars today make sure their bodies look great. Yes, there’s a lot of plastic surgery done in Hollywood (and other moviemaking meccas), but that’s not enough anymore. Movie stars are likely to work as hard as athletes with personal trainers to obtain their stunningly buff bodies. Today’s stars are very conscious of how competitive they must look if and when their shirts—or other clothes—come off. A good haircut and the right angle from the camera help, but being buff is achieved through long, hard work in the gym. It’s kind of interesting that we now are very aware that movie stars actually work to attain their visual impact. We used to think it was all a gift of nature. (Princes don’t have to be as buff, and it shows.) The Washington Post introduced me to this photo of Daniel Craig as James Bond, with the caption “We don’t have any real reason for running this photo except, jeez, look at this guy.” I agree, and he’s not even gorgeous in a pretty way. He’s gorgeous in a dirty, tired, dripping blood, I’ll handle-whatever-comes-next way. My hero. I ran out to the see the first showing of the new Bond movie, “Quantum of Solace” because I like car chases and seeing things blow up and pretty scenery. But the real reason was James Bond as portrayed by Daniel Craig. I liked him a lot in the previous Bond movie. I had hopes this one would please me, too. And it did, although now I am wishing there had been more intimate moments in the plot and maybe one less car chase. But, jeez, look at this guy. Hot.

Masquerades

Costumes are a big part of Halloween, which is a favorite American autumn pseudo holiday. I say pseudo because it’s not a legal holiday and no one gets the day off from their job. Well, wait. I know of at least one exception. I once worked with a woman who called herself a witch. The good kind, of course. She insisted on taking Halloween off, but would not take other, more common religious holidays. Management let her. You go, Paty. As I was saying. Halloween is a favorite American day and night of silly costumes, rustling in the dark, parties, and candy. Little children parade around in costumes at school, teachers dress up, and everywhere you go that day, you’ll find people doing their usual jobs wearing a costume. Or at least a silly hat. I myself am wearing my royal crown today. (No, I didn’t get it at Burger King. Mine is plastic, not paper.) Then there’s the trick or treating, where young children go door to door to have their costumes admired and receive candy. And finally, there are the parties. Bobbing for apples, going on hayrides, and playing games, plus costume contests. Adults hold costume parties that often are rowdy. Masquerade balls have always been a staple of high society, which does not mean that proper behavior was the rule. To the contrary; being in disguise tends to bring out the wildness in people. And of course in Venice and other Italian cities, the pre-Lent period of Carnival was traditionally a time for disguising oneself in a domino, an all-enveloping, loose cloak with a mask. Such masks have frequently covered up a lot of adultery and thuggery. You’ll still see characters wearing dominos in operas taking place prior to the 20th century. Mardi Gras in New Orleans continues the tradition of religiously-linked costumed revelry in North America, and Carnival in Rio de Janeiro is the longest. Bottom line, all of these masquerades involve frisky goings on. But for romance characters, the masquerade is a more purposeful event. Scared-but-excited heroines dare to be seen in revealing witch costumes à la Elvira, or strapless Wonder Woman uniforms, or short-skirted sexy nurse outfits (no orthopedic shoes allowed), or Princess Leia the Slave Girl metal bikinis. Why do heroines do it? Mostly in hopes of losing their inhibitions for just one night. Of being the belle of the ball. Of attracting attention as they never have felt comfortable dealing with in their regular lives. Do they get in trouble? You bet. Most romance heroines who wear sexy costumes attract exactly the kind of attention they can’t handle. And it all goes downhill from there. The virginal heroine suddenly has to make good on her slutty costume. Or run away from the handsome hero who takes her naughty wrapper for her real personality. It makes for a lot of fun in a romance. (Maybe not so much fun in real life if the outrageous costume is taken too seriously.) Flirting with a dangerous-looking man who’s dressed as a vampire could turn into an erotic encounter with a real vampire. And then, the masquerade ends and the heroine has to live with the consequences of her behavior. But romance heroines aren’t behaving a lot differently from regular office workers. Every year, the media carries stories of how managers need to outline in advance what costumes are acceptable at offices on Halloween. And send employees home to change if they don’t adhere to the dress code. Still, there’s always somebody who learns the hard way that a stripper outfit is not suitable office attire. Although heroes in romances usually dress in romantic costumes like knights or pirates, cross dressing can have its romantic side. Check out Georgette Heyer’s classic historical romance, The Masqueraders. Published in 1928, this is a romantic tale of a sister and brother who are hiding in plain sight in London society after the 1745 rebellion in Scotland. Their method? Switching genders. It’s a delightful comedy of manners that at the same time is extremely romantic. Today we’re more likely to see a hero or heroine as a spy in disguise, with romance not part of the original plan. The amazing part is when the female agent manages to pull micro-sized weapons out of her extremely tight or almost nonexistent costume. She’ll bemuse the competitive co-agent, entrap the lustful villain, and fulfill her mission despite the seeming impossibility of even moving in her costume. But there’s another kind of masquerade that is common in romances that does not involve Halloween or a grand ball. It’s the classic makeover. A hitherto-dowdy heroine gets a good wardrobe, a good haircut, and a chance to shine in her social sphere. And she makes the most of it, at first masquerading as a more confident woman. Then becoming one. Romances featuring this kind of situation are too numerous to cite specifically, but we’ve all read them. They can range from the simple country girl goes to town plot to a marriage or engagement of convenience, to any other plot device that requires that a modest-dressing heroine suddenly breaks out into a sexy new look. Sometimes, though, authors go overboard trying to establish a contrast. In Emilie Loring’s In Times Like These, the heroine is wearing mourning before she gets her new outfit. Mourning! In 1968! I don’t think so. Still, the heroine duly receives a Brand New Outfit, which makes her feel like a new woman and restores her feminine self-confidence. Not to mention makes the hero fall for her. And that’s the point of all this disguising. Regardless of the reason for running around Rio or New Orleans in a costume, the purpose of costumes in a romance is romance.